10 Reasons I’m Not an Alcoholic

I used to tell myself …

by Anonymous

  • I never “had” to have a drink. I only drank to relax and wind down.
  • I didn’t drink every day, unless I was on vacation.
  • Never got a DUI (I drove drunk—just never got caught).
  • I didn’t drink in bars. I stayed at home with my Southern Comfort on the rocks.
  • I was a social drinker. All my friends drank. We were very social.
  • My family tree only had one drinker, my father. The rest were all teetotalers—well, maybe a few overeaters … 
  • I’m a nice girl. Nice girls don’t get drunk (except once or twice).
  • I only drank in expensive places, like restaurants, and had only expensive drinks, like martinis, Manhattans, stingers or greyhounds.
  • I never drank straight stuff. Except for the Scotch on the rocks and, of course, my Southern Comfort. 
  • My story isn’t exciting like I hear on speaker tapes. What’s exciting about sitting at home in bed reading and sipping a toddy of Southern Comfort on the rocks?
  • I’ve never been falling down drunk, except for that one time in Miami. And then there was New York … 

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